The Time I Served In The Navy

I approached the pier where the  Navy ship was docked in the harbor.  A McDonald’s was next door to the ship along with a power plant.  The buildings seemed like an odd combination to be side by side along the edge of the river.

As I climbed on board the ship, I started chatting with some of the crew.  A feeling of constipation was creeping over me, but I made my way for the nearest toilet.  I found the toilet in public view next to a table where men were talking.  I interrupted their conversation to make a seamen joke but the men didn’t take it as humorous.

I sat on the toilet for at least an hour.  People came and went.  A large group of officers came into the room, nearly sitting on top of me that it became too crowded for me to continue my business in peace.  I walked up a set of stairs to a secluded area on a platform above deck where I could be left to my privacy.  I squatted near the edge of the ship.

All of a sudden the boat picked up speed.  I had to run to get back inside, while holding on to random objects to keep from flying off the platform.  I lost grip to the ship and rolled off the boat into the water.

The shore was only a few feet away so I swam over and climbed back on my feet.  Train tracks ran parallel to the river so I peered off into the distance, searching for the next approaching train.  There was a man waiting along the river bank.

We were carrying half of a kayak when a train was spotted coming our way.  We climbed the ladder mounted on the side of a small box-like platform that stood 10 feet high.  Our plan was to leap from the platform to the train but as the train came closer, it switched tracks and put more distance between us, making the leap impossible.  We climbed back down from the platform and started our walk down the road with no destination in mind.

We approached a street just shy of a housing development when I noticed that he was searching for a woman.  Two cars lined the curb when I noticed the women sitting inside the driver’s seats.  I tapped on the passenger side window to get the attention of the first woman, but as she turned to face us, he noticed it was not her.  The second woman climbed from her car and started putting make up on in the middle of the street.  We crossed the street while traffic was in a lull; making our way towards an apartment a few blocks away.

There was a party taking place in the backyard as we walked up the driveway.  I saw Natalie Portman sitting on a bench, leaning her back against the fence.  She appeared bored and unwelcoming of conversation.  I crossed the yard to take a seat beside her, offering up my slice of pizza as a gesture of affection; she accepted.

And then I woke up…


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